Things I've Written, Entirely Out of Context: Academia Edition (2017-18)

It's time for another...

Things I've Written, Entirely Out of Context:

Academia Edition

(2017-18 Term)

A.K.A. all the times my personal writing style may have influenced my academic writing style a little too much, to the chagrin and occasional amusement of my professors. In this essay I will discuss:

• Misapplied science!
• Conspiracy theories about children's books!
• Shade thrown at literary characters!
• Puns!
• Memes!
• Whiny Heterosexual Men™ called out on their nonsense!
• And, as is to be expected, a great deal of sarcasm!

Gas Law's Activities

Last Wednesday, my Chem class was doing a lab experiment involving gas laws, but when my teacher handed out the instructions, there was a glaring apostrophe error smack dab in the middle of the title. I groaned and scribbled the apostrophe out with my pen. However, later on, my lab partner Pat speculated that maybe the worksheet was talking about the actual activities of a person named Gas Law. He then proceeded to draw "Gas Law, Private Eye". I then countered with a drawing of "Miss Charlie Boyle," whose "voluptuous volume made the room grow warmer".

You can probably guess where this is headed.

But wait! There's more! In the style of Garrison Keillor's "Guy Noir," I decided to record myself reciting this story and put some snazzy noir music in the background. You can listen to that recording below and read the actual text of the story under the cut.

Character “Gas Law” created by Pat O'Connor; special thanks to Mrs. Martin for the chemistry, Mr. Morisseau for the “Maximum Entropy” name, and whoever misplaced an apostrophe in “Gas Laws Activities”.

Gas Law's Activities

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Picture taken from http://www.backgroundbandit.com/wallpapers/2/469.jpg, once again courtesy of The Internet. Image depicts an atom, and, as you have no doubt guessed, has something to do with the subject of this story.

Since my last post was so short, I thought I might as well post the third and final in my series of personifications. Again, not holiday-themed, and I apologize if that's what you're in the mood for.

Anyway, here it is. Inspired by Chem class and by Sara Bareilles's "Gravity" (though that actually isn't the name of the force I'm talking about), I present:

Pull

Fall

Picture taken from http://learn.cvuhs.org/file.php/1117/Chloroplast_art.jpg, courtesy of The Internet, as usual. Image depicts the subject of this piece in a very pretty, artsy way. I like it.

Second in my series of personifications, though rather unfortunately timed as it really is more autumn-themed than winter-themed and has absolutely nothing to do with the holidays. Ah, well. What can you do?

The narrator of this one is a bit harder to tell from the text, but hopefully from the picture you will understand. If not, just look up the word "chloroplast," and maybe brush up on your cell anatomy while you're at it... kidding, kidding. Though seriously, do. Who knows? It may inspire a story for you, too!

Fall

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Picture taken from http://media.nowpublic.net/images//11/7/11726611d1157f36f62d70301b103040.jpg, courtesy of The Internet, as usual. It depicts algebra homework, though thankfully not my own.

Written around the beginning of October for my Creative Writing class prompt,  "second person." The idea had been rolling around in my head for several weeks beforehand, inspired very much by some of the works over at livejournal's anthropomor-fic, though I actually haven't gotten around to joining that community, never mind posting in it.

It's actually part of a series of three personifications, all having to do with the maths and sciences. Whether I post the other two or not depends on my mood.

A happy Black Friday to all, and I hope this proves that though we may not like certain school subjects as much as others, we must still be thankful for the inspiration that they can give.

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